Yes, it was another Thursday and another hospital admission. However, I still stand by my previous blog because I was not admitted the Thursday before that. After writing the previous blog, even before posting it, I realized the atrial fibrillation was again increasing. We left for D.C. early Wednesday morning and as the day progressed the AFIB, shortness of breath, swelling, and tendency to pass out increased. I called the cardiologist office on Thursday and we talked back and forth. We realized that by the time I got home they would be closed, so we decided if things got bad enough I would have to go to an ER in D.C. Things did not get better, but they also did not get worse. The conference itself was phenomenal and I was able to sit in conference sessions because I only needed to take the elevator down to them. I decided it was much better to sit there with my feet up than upstairs in my room.

We returned on Saturday and I was able to be in worship and Bible Study on Sunday. I saw the oncologist on Monday and needed another injection. If they had not arranged for me to have, and encouraged me to use, four injections while I was gone, I would have been seriously immune compromised by my return. As for the AFIB, I thought I might be a little better so decided to wait. On Thursday, the oncologist’s office encouraged me to call the cardiologist so I did. I knew prolonged AFIB could lead to heart damage or a stroke.

By the time the decision was made to hospitalize me, it was 5:00 pm so I needed to enter through Shand’s ER. As you know that can be a stressful and lengthy process. As He often seems to do, God placed individuals from our church family in my path. There was a doctor from our church who was working in the ER and helped speed things up and also saw to it that I got the needed private room. When I reached my room, the PCA was from my Bible study class and the next morning the charge nurse was a long time member and friend from our church. On Friday evening when they moved me from the oncology floor I was put on initially, down to the cardiology floor, the charge nurse was again a long time church member and friend. I do not believe these things happen by chance. I know they are an answer to the many prayers lifted up for me.

On Thursday night they connected me to a heart monitor and on Friday they ran a lot of tests. The heart showed up as strong, but AFIB was a daily occurrence in May and sometimes lasted over half a day. The constant, and sometimes lengthy AFIB, was extremely tiring. By the end of the day a decision was made to change the AFIB medications to a drug that required a three day hospital stay to monitor the heart’s response and to determine the effective dose. An additional concern in using this drug in my case is that it lowers blood pressure. I already take a medication three times a day to raise my blood pressure. The drug was administered Saturday morning and then stopped because of a negative EKG. They did some other things, retested, and then restarted the drug at a lower dose on Sunday morning. That dose was too low so the dose was raised Sunday evening. An EKG several hours after each dose indicated a continued tolerance of the drug. Additional tests were run on Tuesday morning and I was released just after noon. The biggest side effects I am currently experiencing from the drug are low energy and shortness of breath. Hopefully, these side effects will resolve with time.

By the way, the fingernails are continuing to come off, but the hair is growing little by little and it’s time to ditch the wig. The hair may be really short but there are too many fun water activities I want to do with grandchildren and the wig is a problem. As for the black eyes and bruises from low platelets I am trying to be more careful and wear a heavier make-up when necessary. I made the make-up decision after our 23 month old grandson was over one day and did not want to come to his DiGi (that’s the name our grandchildren call me—maybe I’ll share the story some day) because of my black eyes and other facial bruises.

One of the hardest things for me in this latest hospital stay was the fact that I could not be in worship on Sunday. I am thankful that our church has live streaming and the hospital wireless system was strong enough at that time for me to catch the morning service and the children’s musical that evening. This is great for people in the hospital or those shut in their homes due to illness. Yet, there is no substitute for being in the service. I agree with the writer of Hebrews, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (10:24-25). I receive so much encouragement by being in worship. There is no substitute for being in corporate worship, in Bible study, and among God’s people in general. I honestly do not know how people deal with life, and especially life in difficult times, without the “meeting together” God instituted. As you study His Word in both Old and New Testaments, this is obviously a reference to corporate worship. I love the illustration Bob Gass gave in his devotional, “God’s Word for You Today,” about geese flying in formation. I have heard it before but some points he made that touched me again were: flying in formation increases their flight range 71%; air waves as a bird flaps its wings provide an uplift for the next bird in formation, this uplift supports the bird and decreases its work load and conserves its energy; a goose out of formation gets heavy wings, becomes exhausted, loses altitude, and must return to the formation to survive. This is one of the reasons I believe Jesus said, “Look at the birds” (Matthew 6:26). We need each other for strength, as well as encouragement. I also hope my presence in worship and Bible study is an encouragement to someone else. In my current condition there are things I cannot do, but being in Bible study and worship is something I can do—and need to do.

Having been off the chemotherapy drugs since the hospital visit May 14th, the decision was made to restart them again Tuesday when I got home from the hospital. The lab work sent to Arkansas last week showed continued stability for which I am extremely grateful. There is still no reduction in disease level so we are all concerned that I continue the drugs when possible in order to keep the level suppressed.

I am thankful for the great medical care I am receiving, the ministry opportunities provided even in the hospital stays, the continued ability to be with family and church family, and a quality of life beyond what I could have imagined with the aggressiveness of the disease and the prolonged treatment. God is so good!

Well, I’ve teased about the Thursday curse in my life. It happened again. I had a tenth hospital visit (beginning with one in January 08) and they have all been on Thursdays. As I mentioned in my last blog, the cardiologist lowered the dose of the medication that controls atrial fibrillation to see if a lower dose would control the problem. Unfortunately, the atrial fibrillation has increased in frequency and duration as the weeks passed. Two of the chemo medications I take produce a lot of fluid retention. With the heart not working properly the fluid built up and the heart could not function well enough to pump it out. The week before the hospitalization, I was short of breath and knew something needed to be done, but I kept thinking the medications would stop producing so much fluid or the heart would begin to function correctly.

By last Thursday I was having difficulty breathing and walking. When I went in for blood counts my oncologist nurse immediately put me in a room and the doctor saw me. He called a cardiologist and the two of them decided I needed to be hospitalized. They ran a lot of tests and determined there was a little fluid around the heart and in the right lung and the left lung had a moderate amount of fluid. The pacemaker memory showed 17 episodes of atrial fibrillation in the last 23 days, several 3-5 hours in duration. They gave me medications to get rid of the fluid. I lost 17 pounds in 36 hours, but I do not recommend that weight loss program. The atrial fibrillation medication dose was raised and I was dismissed Saturday afternoon. The heart is adjusting and I have had episodes the last three days, but they have not been long and seem to be decreasing in strength and length.

As I was thinking about the “Thursday curse,” God brought a thought to my mind. There have been over 70 Thursdays since the first of January 08 and I have only been hospitalized 11 (one was long) Thursdays. That means I have had over 60 Thursdays that I was not in the hospital. Most of those hospitalizations were only 3-4 days. I think all the Thursdays I was not in the hospital and the shortness of the stays is something for which I can be thankful! As the Psalmist says, “Then will I go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp, O God, my God. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put you hope in God for I will yet praise him my Savior and my God” (Psalm 43:4-5). Why would I be downcast about the few days in a year and a half that I have been in the hospital? I just need to go to God and He will give me great joy no matter where I am. I have so much for which I am grateful. After all, I am still here and have a wonderful quality of life.

Gary and I leave for a conference in Washington D.C. tomorrow. As always counts are low and I am appreciative of a doctor who gives me the necessary injections and pills to take with me. I am also grateful to be going with greater energy than I have experienced in weeks. The doctors have also stopped my chemo medications for the week to give my body a break. I am excited to be going with Gary and about the conference. I am concerned about our nation and pray for her leadership. We will be interacting with some congressional leaders and gaining insights about the Washington culture. We will hear several speakers and one I really look forward to hearing is Anne Graham Lotz (Billy Graham’s daughter). After my diagnosis in 2000, I read her book, Just Give Me Jesus, and found it insightful, encouraging, and inspirational. Since then I have read other of her books. We plan to be back on Saturday and look forward to a fantastic day of worship at Westside on Sunday.

The last three weeks have been filled with many wonderful things. Because of the questionable level of one of the markers in March, I have sent lab work to Little Rock every two weeks in April. Praise God, even though the one marker is still a little high nothing else has moved up. I will not send another marker until the end of this month and will not need to return to Little Rock until July.

The side effects of the medications are no longer getting worse so I have had a better time in that regard the past three weeks. One of the things that really helps manage the side effects is exercise. I learned back in 2000 that exercise seems to work the by products (or something) through my system more quickly and helps reduce the negative effects of the medications. That fact has been substantiated in the last year and a half as my lung and heart problems interfered with consistent exercise and I experienced more side effects. The last three weeks I have been able to get more exercise and that has really helped keep side effects from increasing. I have had a lot of stomach pain the last four days and will undergo some tests tomorrow. Hopefully, I have just had a virus.

When I saw the cardiologist Tuesday of last week she released me to go back to “normal” activity. It is so good not to have to worry about injuring the surgery site by certain movements or lifting. She did say I was on too high a dose of one of the atrial fibrillation medications to remain on it permanently. Because I will take it for life she reduced the dose. My heart was not happy. I dealt with a lot of atrial fibrillations Thursday through Sunday morning of last week and am still having difficulty at times. Thank goodness the heart is gradually adjusting. I have been reminded just how weak I was those months before the surgery and appropriate medications. I am so grateful to have regained much of my energy.

Sometimes people tell me that I say I am well regardless of how I feel. Actually, when pressed I will briefly share difficulties that I may be experiencing, but I feel that to do more is complaining and that just makes me feel worse. It focuses my attention on the problem instead of the good things around me. I also believe that it is negative to our health. In Proverbs we read, “A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body” (14:30 AMP). Complaining is also disobedient to the God who made us and loves us. We are told in Philippians, “Do everything thing without complaining or arguing” (2:14). God knows it is not best for us to complain.

I fully believe Psalm 146:5, “Blessed (Happy) is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the lord his God.” As F.B. Meyer said, “The education of our faith is incomplete until we learn that God’s providence works through loss. . . that there’s a ministry to us through the failure and fading of things. The dwindling brook where Elijah sat is a picture of our lives! ‘Some time later the brook dried up’ (I Kings 17:7 NIV) is the history of our yesterdays and a prophecy of our tomorrows. . . learn the difference between trusting in the gift and trusting in the Giver. The gift may last for a season but the Giver is eternal. If the Lord had led Elijah directly to the widow at Zarephath, he’d have missed something that helped make him a better man—living by faith. Whenever our earthly resources dry up it’s so we may learn that our hope and help are in God.” I have always been a happy person, but there is a sense in which I am even happier today than I was before the illness occurred. Through the illness I have seen God work in so many ways and have learned to trust Him more and rest more in His perfect love for me. As Ruth Myers says, “I praise You that the things that happened in my past, both enjoyable and painful, are raw materials for blessings, both in my life and in the lives of others” (31 Days of Praise). My prayer is that others will be blessed as I travel this journey. I certainly have been!