A friend told me Sunday that sometimes she wonders why I have not updated my blog. Then she said she realized that it probably meant I was not doing well and she should pray harder. That is often the case. I always wait a couple of weeks until I have something new to report and then it seems illness and schedule contrive to keep me from updating it.
This time the initial wait was for results from the last labwork sent to Little Rock. The news was good! The myeloma markers were essentially unchanged. It has been so long since sending the last labwork that I should be sending more labwork next week. After waiting for lab results it has been a combination of lung issues, heart issues, and a busy schedule that have prevented me from writing an update. A couple of weeks ago my breathing became so labored that I needed to see my pulmonologist. He felt there was some fluid in and around the lungs and that the bronchial tubes were closing up some. His recommendation was to put me in the hospital to assess and make decisions (no thank you, been there done that), give me an effective medication for bronchial dilation (of course it may case AFIB, no thank you), or give me a 10 day dose of Prednisone (lets just add a second steroid to the myeloma steroid I already take). Of course I chose option three. It made me a little crazy and gave me what Gary and I call a “steroid head” at times. The “steroid head” is a fuzzy head, maybe slightly blurred vision, and difficulty walking. (I’m experiencing some “steroid head” today so I hope this update makes sense.) The side effects of the additional steroids were manageable and I began breathing better almost immediately. I am still breathing better than I was even though I finished the medication a week ago. Hopefully the improved breathing will continue.
The heart issue I have been dealing with is extremely low blood pressure. This is a side effect of the AFIB medication I take. The doctors were hesitant to give it to me because I already take medication to raise my natural and medicine induced low blood pressure. This past week it has dropped several times into the range of 60-63 over 38- 42. I cannot walk without holding on to something when this happens and I have to find a place to sit quickly. The disconcerting thing is that I do not know when it is going to happen so I have had to change some of what I normally do. After consultation back and forth with the cardiologist and trying one other thing we are lowering the dose of the AFIB medication, having me retain more fluid, and I am wearing compression hose part of each day. All of these carry a risk. The AFIB may return because the lowered dose will not work and the fluid may build up around my heart and lungs. I have been on this regime for two days and have not had an episode of AFIB so maybe the heart will respond to the lowered dose and I will be putting less medication into my system.
I do need to be able to get back to exercise. Up until this past year I have been able to maintain a certain level of exercise. With lack of exercise and the large doses of steroids I am losing a lot of muscle. I feel like the lady on TV who says, “I’ve fallen down and I can’t get up.” It is funny to watch the contortions I go through if I get down on my knees or sit on the floor! I just have to laugh at myself and get creative in my attempts to get up.
The busy schedule part of the update delay is full of good news. Gary and I celebrated our 39th wedding anniversary on August 21st. It has been an absolutely wonderful 39 years. I could not have made a better choice in a mate. Thank goodness God was guiding me in my youthful ignorance. We were able to take an overnight stay the week before our anniversary at Amelia Island. It is a beautiful place and the bed and breakfast where we stayed on the beach was fabulous. The weather also cooperated. It rained at times, but that made it cooler so I was actually able to go down to the beach and walk a little bit (heat zaps me quickly). As you might suspect, we over ate on the wonderful seafood in a couple of their award winning restaurants.
We also began our new church year this past weekend. Sunday is called Gator Day because we welcome the college students back, public school starts, and well we live in Gainesville. It is a great day all day long. This year we ended with a concert by the Annie Moses Band. One person said, “They are good enough for Carnegie Hall. I have never heard anything like it.” As I sat there enjoying the unbelievable talent and the variety in the type of music—from funny to serious faith based music—my heart was captured by the lyrics of one of the songs. The vocalist kept describing how much it meant to her, “when my daddy says I’m beautiful.” Tears filled my eyes for a moment. You see my father left my mother when I was a very small baby and I never knew him. When I was in my early 30’s I found out where he lived, but he died before I could contact him. I did contact a member of the family and they agreed for our family to meet with them. It was an emotional and informative time. One of my most vivid visual memories is watching my half brother walk in the room. He was the same size, had the same general build, and exhibited the same mannerisms as my brother. The only difference is he has brown hair and brown eyes and my brother has blond hair and blue eyes. My father’s wife sent me several pictures of my father, but we have not had contact since.
As I listened to the song about daddy, I felt some sadness but I also thought how it prepared me in my response to life. You see God placed a wonderful grandfather in my life. My mother, brother, and I actually lived with my grandparents until a few months before my 10th birthday and I continued to ride the bus to their farm until I was older. We also spent Sunday afternoons and holidays there with my aunts, uncles, cousins, and any visiting preachers or evangelists. Although my grandfather could not replace my father totally he had a great influence in my life. He did not say I was beautiful but I know he thought it, I know he loved me, and he did tell me I could do anything I set my heart to do. I do remember times when things would happen that would remind me I did not have a father like the other kids, but almost all of my memories are of the happy times with my grandfather. Somehow God helped me focus on what I had, not what I did not have. That was such a good preparation for the hard times in life. The key is where we focus and through God’s grace I grew up with a focus on the positive.
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice. . . Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:4, 8). Paul wrote these words from a jail cell in Philippi. I think he understood about the importance of where we focus our thoughts. We make that choice moment by moment. It is not always easy, but when we slip it needs to be an immediate refocus on the positive. I find that when I am upset and turn to God He refocuses me very quickly. If it is a circumstance He will point out the positives if I will just listen. If it is a person and I will just stop and pray for them, He will help me see them from a different perspective. We each carry a lot of hurt and in the process often hurt others—sometimes totally unintentionally. I want to be forgiven when I hurt others so I need to forgive them.
Thank you so much for praying for me and my family. I will update you as soon as possible about the results from next week’s markers.
