I’m sorry it has been so long since you heard from me. September was a very busy month. I was in the hospital three times dealing with issues related to the heart. The first two visits were a result of my passing out. They are not sure what happened unless maybe my blood pressure dropped drastically all of a sudden. Praise God Gary was around both times. Though it is hard on him, I am grateful to have him with me in such incidents. I was not injured in the first fall but head and face to ceramic tile did result in some cuts and bruises as a result of the second fall. Thankfully, the CT showed no concussion. The third visit (one day after being released from the second one) was because I could not get my breath. Almost three liters of fluid were drained from the area under my lungs. My lungs had been pushed up under my shoulder blades and the doctors wondered how I was managing to breathe.
After draining the fluid I could lay flat so they did a right heart catheterization to determine the degree of diastolic dysfunction in the heart. They found I had diastolic heart failure. This is a result of the heart muscle becoming stiff and not relaxing. Therefore, the heart cannot pump efficiently. This is the explanation for the fluid build up I have been dealing with since May. Even though there is no treatment for diastolic heart failure, they now know what they need to do to treat the symptoms.
I have also been in physical therapy and occupational therapy to try and strengthen my muscles. They were already weak after ten years of chemotherapy, but the seven hospital stays since the first of May have resulted in even more weakness. Because I am considered a fall risk when I am in the hospital, I am not allowed to get out of bed. Of course, this weakens the muscles even more. As a matter of fact, I now have my blue chariot (walker) that I use everywhere I go. It has a basket and a seat. I have assistance in walking, sit when I’m tired or dizzy, and have a place to put the phone and other items I may need. I could get used to that.
Hopefully, I am done with hospital visits and will begin to get back to a more “normal” life—normal for me that is. I am grateful that even though I may have been in the hospital a lot, at least I keep checking out. As long as I can be discharged, life is good.
With all the heart problems I have been off chemotherapy five of the last six weeks. That is of concern to us and the doctors. I also had a fat pad test (yes there is such a thing) during my last hospital stay and it was positive for amyloidosis. Amyloidosis occurs when amyloid protein, naturally produced in the body, is over produced (not uncommon in multiple myeloma) and the excess amyloid proteins are deposited in organs and tissues. These proteins may have been deposited in my heart muscle. This would result in stiffness and an inability to relax. I will be returning to the cancer center in Little Rock in the next few weeks to evaluate the status of the multiple myeloma and the amyloidosis. At that time a new treatment protocol will be developed to deal with both diseases.
During his battle with lymphoma, David Jeremiah wrote a book titled, A Bend in the Road. He opens with the following poem,
Sometimes we come to life’s crossroads
And we view what we think is the end.
But God has much wider vision
And He knows that it’s only a bend—
The road will go on and get smoother
And after we’ve stopped for a rest
The path that lies hidden beyond us
Is often the path that is best.
So rest and relax and grow stronger,
Let go and let God share your load
And have faith in a brighter tomorrow
You’ve just come to a bend in the road.
In the early months after my diagnosis I read Dr. Jeremiah’s book and found it very encouraging. I feel like my new problems are just a bend in the road. And, the bend is only the end if we don’t go around it. In his book he also refers to a book that analyzed some problems with modern counseling. The author states that in counseling we are often encouraged to dredge up unhappy events from the past. His suggestion is why not dredge up all the happy events, focus on them, and learn from them. That is what has to be done to keep us positive in life. Each “bend in the road” brings new challenges but it also brings opportunities for growth and for trust in God. “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. . . Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:1,2,10b). I do not look forward to the treatment ahead, but I know God is in control and will be with me. After all, He knew about this ahead of time and has a plan.
October started out as a wonderful month. Our church family gave Gary and me an absolutely fabulous 60th birthday celebration. Yes, we both turned 60 and we are grateful to do so. It was a lot of fun to talk with and hug everyone. We also enjoyed reading the many cards and will enjoy the gifts. An artist in our church family also painted a picture of me. He did an extremely beautiful job. It is a tremendous gift for Gary and for all of us. Our church family really expresses their love and support in tangible, thoughtful ways. We are so grateful for them.
Well, would you believe I wrote the previous information and was going to proof it but before I had the opportunity to do so I was back in the hospital again? Last Friday I was entered with extremely labored breathing. The fluid had built up under the lungs again. They drained 3.5 liters on Saturday. This time I had a lot of pain after the draining and some episodes of lower than usual blood pressure, so I was in the hospital until Monday. To be back there so soon was hard, but as always there were good times during those days. Those good times included time with family and friends, opportunities to encourage others, and a set of nurses and techs that took excellent care of me. I also remember looking out my hospital window on Sunday morning. I had two views. If I looked down I saw a parking garage. If I looked up I saw beautiful puffy white clouds. Isn’t the view always better when we choose to look up? I remember as a child laying down in my grandfather’s pasture and looking up at the clouds. My cousins and I were always trying to see shapes of animals in the shapes of the clouds. Since that time I have studied and taught about clouds. I love to watch them. Sunday morning the clouds just seemed to be sitting there, but if you watched them long enough you could see they were moving. I immediately thought of God’s work in our lives. Sometimes He just seems to be sitting there doing nothing, but if we are patient we will discover He is moving and working in our lives. We just have to focus on Him to see it. After a while the clouds moved out of my view but I knew they were not really gone. And I knew just because God doesn’t appear to be in view at a particular moment, it doesn’t mean He’s not there. I believe He gives me those special times to say to me that He is there and He is working. He encourages and strengthens me and I am so grateful He does.
I will be getting regular chest X-rays until I leave for Arkansas on November 3rd to determine possible fluid build up so they can drain it before I leave. The need for testing and evaluation by the multiple myeloma specialists in Arkansas out weighs the potential risks involved in flying. By nature, I want to know what my medical condition truly is and the new treatment protocol. Please pray for Gary and me as we go. All of this is wearing him down more and more. We will have a nurse friend traveling with us so if anything happens he is not alone and she will also be able to help assess what needs to be done. (And, I get to visit with someone besides him.) Thank you so much for your constant prayers. I know God gives me strength and places me in the right places at the right times in answer to your prayers.
