Gary and I had an absolutely wonderful vacation in the mountains last week. The protocol I started in April of 2007 and the many hospital stays in 2008 made it impossible to be away from doctor’s offices more than three or four days at a time these last two years. Since many of the issues I have dealt with are stable and my oncologist was willing to be creative in ways to deal with labwork and medications, we were finally able to be gone for eight days! We spent our time talking, reading, walking, resting, and enjoying the beauty of God’s world around us. The ornamental pear trees and cherry trees were especially breath taking. I know such times are beneficial to physical healing.

In addition to the other books I read, I enjoyed the opportunity to catch up in a daily devotional book that I had not purchased until mid February. The book is, A Year with C. S. Lewis. It is a compilation of excerpts from several of his classical works. At one point he states, “For Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.” Understanding how devastating and deadly cancer is to the physical body, the term “spiritual cancer” caught my attention. I definitely don’t want to damage whatever love, contentment, and common sense I have. He also writes, “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, cleverer, or better-looking than others. . . It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest.” I could not help but wonder if I am proud at times and do not even realize it. Do I ever take the strength and grace God has given me to deal with my pain and uncertainty and wonder why some else is not dealing with theirs as well as I am at that particular moment? That’s not loving. I’ve never thought I was guilty of this, but do those thoughts ever come? I hope not. That would be pride and a slap in the face of a loving God. Or, is the comparison with myself? Do I let pride about a past accomplishment keep me from doing something today because in the past I did it “better?” That steals contentment with who I am now. It is so easy to deceive ourselves about our thoughts and motives in all areas of our lives.

Lewis also writes, “As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.” This certainly helps explain why God says, “I hate pride and arrogance” (Proverbs 8:13) and “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18). Lewis feels that pride is the root of all other sin. That sure seems to be in keeping with scripture. I need to be more attentive to pride and its presence in my life. I know to be sensitive to pride in me I must spend time looking up to the One that designed and created me. He is the only one that can help me see clearly. I must begin the day with Him and keep looking up all day long!

As usual, I had my Monday morning trip to the doctor’s office today. Most labwork looked okay, but in spite of the shots I took while I was gone, I needed a shot to boost the immune system. I will be sending labwork to Arkansas next week to determine if cancer markers are still stable. I am praying they stay stable, or decrease, and I am praying the labwork each week will indicate I can continue the current protocol. Medication side effects do not seem to be getting worse and that is wonderful. I am grateful for each new day and the physical strength to enjoy it.

I returned from Little Rock yesterday with great news. All of the tests indicated that the level of myeloma is the same as it was in November. I would like to have been in remission, but this is the next best thing. Though the treatment has not lowered the cancer level, it has kept it from increasing. The decision was made to continue the same treatment as long as the body will allow and return in July for another evaluation. I will continue to mail labwork each month to monitor what is happening.

Some have asked about the side of effects of the three chemotherapy drugs I am taking. I don’t spend my time focused there but will share a little of my perspective. Obviously, I have no idea of long term side effects but know some of the day by day ones. One major side effect is the lowering of the white blood count which affects the ability of the immune system to fight infection and the lowering of the red blood count which results in anemia. The doctor in Arkansas was surprised at how well my blood counts have held up across the past four months. When the white and red counts get too low, I do feel more tired but there are shots that bring them back up again. Another major side effect of two of the drugs is neuropathy in feet, hands, and legs. Though I deal with neuropathy, I have not had difficulty walking or a tendency to fall as many do and it is manageable with medication. Nausea sometimes occurs, but, believe it or not, ice cream often helps. I usually have difficulty sleeping two or three nights a week, but that gives additional time for focused prayer. There doesn't seem to be any interruptions during that time. Though I lost my hair, it seems to be slowly growing back and wigs are wonderful things. My nails are breaking and slowly coming off, but they will return if I change treatment. And after all, I still have my fingers to use and that is a lot more important than pretty nails. With the addition of some over the counter medications, the abdominal area is still somewhat uncomfortable, but I am able to eat about anything—including dark chocolate. The tendency to bruise around my eyes just gives me an opportunity to give Gary a hard time. Sometimes my feet and legs become very swollen, but they don’t hurt and I can still “run” and play with our grandchildren. My eyes get blurry enough sometimes that I have difficulty reading, but I saw the most beautiful sunset and gorgeous sky tonight.

Gary and I were sitting on our back porch at lunch today talking about how everything in life is a matter of perspective. I truly believe that. When we are focused on God, our perspective is one of gratitude for each day He gives us. We know, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” (James 1:17). We also know Paul was right, “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all” (II Corinthians 4:17). Our trials and tribulations here are so insignificant in light of eternity.

I would never equate my life with that of Job, but what I read in “God’s Word for You Today” expresses what I hope my response will always be to my situation. “’You have heard of the perseverance of Job,’ (James 5:11 NKJV). There are four faces of the man of God in the book of Ezekiel: a lion, an eagle, a man, and an ox. The last face, the ox, speaks of perseverance. The ox is a plodder. He will plow from sunup till sundown. Put him in a stall, feed him, and next day he’ll plow and plod until the task is complete. He refuses to quit. Look at Job, attending the funeral of his ten children, losing his wealth, and his health, listening to a wife with a tongue sharp enough to clip a hedge. Yet despite all her dour words he didn’t quit. Learn from him! ‘You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord.’ Job focused on the end-goal, not the immediate circumstance. Our problem is, we want it all now. A billboard reads, ‘Antiques manufactured while you wait.’ Life doesn’t work that way!”

My prayer is that I will faithfully continue to serve Him and live in His will with an attitude of joy and gratitude until He takes me home. I can’t wait to see what wonderful things He has in store for me each new day He gives me! I look forward to worshipping and praising Him at Westside tomorrow and celebrating my brother’s and my son’s birthdays. (By the way, I was able to sing with the ensemble last Sunday. That was a very special gift to me and I hope to others.)