Gary and I had an absolutely wonderful vacation in the mountains last week. The protocol I started in April of 2007 and the many hospital stays in 2008 made it impossible to be away from doctor’s offices more than three or four days at a time these last two years. Since many of the issues I have dealt with are stable and my oncologist was willing to be creative in ways to deal with labwork and medications, we were finally able to be gone for eight days! We spent our time talking, reading, walking, resting, and enjoying the beauty of God’s world around us. The ornamental pear trees and cherry trees were especially breath taking. I know such times are beneficial to physical healing.
In addition to the other books I read, I enjoyed the opportunity to catch up in a daily devotional book that I had not purchased until mid February. The book is, A Year with C. S. Lewis. It is a compilation of excerpts from several of his classical works. At one point he states, “For Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.” Understanding how devastating and deadly cancer is to the physical body, the term “spiritual cancer” caught my attention. I definitely don’t want to damage whatever love, contentment, and common sense I have. He also writes, “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, cleverer, or better-looking than others. . . It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest.” I could not help but wonder if I am proud at times and do not even realize it. Do I ever take the strength and grace God has given me to deal with my pain and uncertainty and wonder why some else is not dealing with theirs as well as I am at that particular moment? That’s not loving. I’ve never thought I was guilty of this, but do those thoughts ever come? I hope not. That would be pride and a slap in the face of a loving God. Or, is the comparison with myself? Do I let pride about a past accomplishment keep me from doing something today because in the past I did it “better?” That steals contentment with who I am now. It is so easy to deceive ourselves about our thoughts and motives in all areas of our lives.
Lewis also writes, “As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.” This certainly helps explain why God says, “I hate pride and arrogance” (Proverbs 8:13) and “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18). Lewis feels that pride is the root of all other sin. That sure seems to be in keeping with scripture. I need to be more attentive to pride and its presence in my life. I know to be sensitive to pride in me I must spend time looking up to the One that designed and created me. He is the only one that can help me see clearly. I must begin the day with Him and keep looking up all day long!
As usual, I had my Monday morning trip to the doctor’s office today. Most labwork looked okay, but in spite of the shots I took while I was gone, I needed a shot to boost the immune system. I will be sending labwork to Arkansas next week to determine if cancer markers are still stable. I am praying they stay stable, or decrease, and I am praying the labwork each week will indicate I can continue the current protocol. Medication side effects do not seem to be getting worse and that is wonderful. I am grateful for each new day and the physical strength to enjoy it.
No comments:
Post a Comment