Well, I’ve teased about the Thursday curse in my life. It happened again. I had a tenth hospital visit (beginning with one in January 08) and they have all been on Thursdays. As I mentioned in my last blog, the cardiologist lowered the dose of the medication that controls atrial fibrillation to see if a lower dose would control the problem. Unfortunately, the atrial fibrillation has increased in frequency and duration as the weeks passed. Two of the chemo medications I take produce a lot of fluid retention. With the heart not working properly the fluid built up and the heart could not function well enough to pump it out. The week before the hospitalization, I was short of breath and knew something needed to be done, but I kept thinking the medications would stop producing so much fluid or the heart would begin to function correctly.
By last Thursday I was having difficulty breathing and walking. When I went in for blood counts my oncologist nurse immediately put me in a room and the doctor saw me. He called a cardiologist and the two of them decided I needed to be hospitalized. They ran a lot of tests and determined there was a little fluid around the heart and in the right lung and the left lung had a moderate amount of fluid. The pacemaker memory showed 17 episodes of atrial fibrillation in the last 23 days, several 3-5 hours in duration. They gave me medications to get rid of the fluid. I lost 17 pounds in 36 hours, but I do not recommend that weight loss program. The atrial fibrillation medication dose was raised and I was dismissed Saturday afternoon. The heart is adjusting and I have had episodes the last three days, but they have not been long and seem to be decreasing in strength and length.
As I was thinking about the “Thursday curse,” God brought a thought to my mind. There have been over 70 Thursdays since the first of January 08 and I have only been hospitalized 11 (one was long) Thursdays. That means I have had over 60 Thursdays that I was not in the hospital. Most of those hospitalizations were only 3-4 days. I think all the Thursdays I was not in the hospital and the shortness of the stays is something for which I can be thankful! As the Psalmist says, “Then will I go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp, O God, my God. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put you hope in God for I will yet praise him my Savior and my God” (Psalm 43:4-5). Why would I be downcast about the few days in a year and a half that I have been in the hospital? I just need to go to God and He will give me great joy no matter where I am. I have so much for which I am grateful. After all, I am still here and have a wonderful quality of life.
Gary and I leave for a conference in Washington D.C. tomorrow. As always counts are low and I am appreciative of a doctor who gives me the necessary injections and pills to take with me. I am also grateful to be going with greater energy than I have experienced in weeks. The doctors have also stopped my chemo medications for the week to give my body a break. I am excited to be going with Gary and about the conference. I am concerned about our nation and pray for her leadership. We will be interacting with some congressional leaders and gaining insights about the Washington culture. We will hear several speakers and one I really look forward to hearing is Anne Graham Lotz (Billy Graham’s daughter). After my diagnosis in 2000, I read her book, Just Give Me Jesus, and found it insightful, encouraging, and inspirational. Since then I have read other of her books. We plan to be back on Saturday and look forward to a fantastic day of worship at Westside on Sunday.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
The last three weeks have been filled with many wonderful things. Because of the questionable level of one of the markers in March, I have sent lab work to Little Rock every two weeks in April. Praise God, even though the one marker is still a little high nothing else has moved up. I will not send another marker until the end of this month and will not need to return to Little Rock until July.
The side effects of the medications are no longer getting worse so I have had a better time in that regard the past three weeks. One of the things that really helps manage the side effects is exercise. I learned back in 2000 that exercise seems to work the by products (or something) through my system more quickly and helps reduce the negative effects of the medications. That fact has been substantiated in the last year and a half as my lung and heart problems interfered with consistent exercise and I experienced more side effects. The last three weeks I have been able to get more exercise and that has really helped keep side effects from increasing. I have had a lot of stomach pain the last four days and will undergo some tests tomorrow. Hopefully, I have just had a virus.
When I saw the cardiologist Tuesday of last week she released me to go back to “normal” activity. It is so good not to have to worry about injuring the surgery site by certain movements or lifting. She did say I was on too high a dose of one of the atrial fibrillation medications to remain on it permanently. Because I will take it for life she reduced the dose. My heart was not happy. I dealt with a lot of atrial fibrillations Thursday through Sunday morning of last week and am still having difficulty at times. Thank goodness the heart is gradually adjusting. I have been reminded just how weak I was those months before the surgery and appropriate medications. I am so grateful to have regained much of my energy.
Sometimes people tell me that I say I am well regardless of how I feel. Actually, when pressed I will briefly share difficulties that I may be experiencing, but I feel that to do more is complaining and that just makes me feel worse. It focuses my attention on the problem instead of the good things around me. I also believe that it is negative to our health. In Proverbs we read, “A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body” (14:30 AMP). Complaining is also disobedient to the God who made us and loves us. We are told in Philippians, “Do everything thing without complaining or arguing” (2:14). God knows it is not best for us to complain.
I fully believe Psalm 146:5, “Blessed (Happy) is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the lord his God.” As F.B. Meyer said, “The education of our faith is incomplete until we learn that God’s providence works through loss. . . that there’s a ministry to us through the failure and fading of things. The dwindling brook where Elijah sat is a picture of our lives! ‘Some time later the brook dried up’ (I Kings 17:7 NIV) is the history of our yesterdays and a prophecy of our tomorrows. . . learn the difference between trusting in the gift and trusting in the Giver. The gift may last for a season but the Giver is eternal. If the Lord had led Elijah directly to the widow at Zarephath, he’d have missed something that helped make him a better man—living by faith. Whenever our earthly resources dry up it’s so we may learn that our hope and help are in God.” I have always been a happy person, but there is a sense in which I am even happier today than I was before the illness occurred. Through the illness I have seen God work in so many ways and have learned to trust Him more and rest more in His perfect love for me. As Ruth Myers says, “I praise You that the things that happened in my past, both enjoyable and painful, are raw materials for blessings, both in my life and in the lives of others” (31 Days of Praise). My prayer is that others will be blessed as I travel this journey. I certainly have been!
The side effects of the medications are no longer getting worse so I have had a better time in that regard the past three weeks. One of the things that really helps manage the side effects is exercise. I learned back in 2000 that exercise seems to work the by products (or something) through my system more quickly and helps reduce the negative effects of the medications. That fact has been substantiated in the last year and a half as my lung and heart problems interfered with consistent exercise and I experienced more side effects. The last three weeks I have been able to get more exercise and that has really helped keep side effects from increasing. I have had a lot of stomach pain the last four days and will undergo some tests tomorrow. Hopefully, I have just had a virus.
When I saw the cardiologist Tuesday of last week she released me to go back to “normal” activity. It is so good not to have to worry about injuring the surgery site by certain movements or lifting. She did say I was on too high a dose of one of the atrial fibrillation medications to remain on it permanently. Because I will take it for life she reduced the dose. My heart was not happy. I dealt with a lot of atrial fibrillations Thursday through Sunday morning of last week and am still having difficulty at times. Thank goodness the heart is gradually adjusting. I have been reminded just how weak I was those months before the surgery and appropriate medications. I am so grateful to have regained much of my energy.
Sometimes people tell me that I say I am well regardless of how I feel. Actually, when pressed I will briefly share difficulties that I may be experiencing, but I feel that to do more is complaining and that just makes me feel worse. It focuses my attention on the problem instead of the good things around me. I also believe that it is negative to our health. In Proverbs we read, “A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body” (14:30 AMP). Complaining is also disobedient to the God who made us and loves us. We are told in Philippians, “Do everything thing without complaining or arguing” (2:14). God knows it is not best for us to complain.
I fully believe Psalm 146:5, “Blessed (Happy) is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the lord his God.” As F.B. Meyer said, “The education of our faith is incomplete until we learn that God’s providence works through loss. . . that there’s a ministry to us through the failure and fading of things. The dwindling brook where Elijah sat is a picture of our lives! ‘Some time later the brook dried up’ (I Kings 17:7 NIV) is the history of our yesterdays and a prophecy of our tomorrows. . . learn the difference between trusting in the gift and trusting in the Giver. The gift may last for a season but the Giver is eternal. If the Lord had led Elijah directly to the widow at Zarephath, he’d have missed something that helped make him a better man—living by faith. Whenever our earthly resources dry up it’s so we may learn that our hope and help are in God.” I have always been a happy person, but there is a sense in which I am even happier today than I was before the illness occurred. Through the illness I have seen God work in so many ways and have learned to trust Him more and rest more in His perfect love for me. As Ruth Myers says, “I praise You that the things that happened in my past, both enjoyable and painful, are raw materials for blessings, both in my life and in the lives of others” (31 Days of Praise). My prayer is that others will be blessed as I travel this journey. I certainly have been!
Friday, April 10, 2009
Happy Easter! This is such a glorious time of the year. I am grateful to God for sending His Son and grateful to Jesus for being willing to die for me. It is so appropriate that we celebrate Easter in the Spring when the earth around us seems to be coming to life. It’s as if creation is reminding us that we can have a new life in Christ.
Last Monday (3/30) I mailed lab work to Little Rock. I put in my usual email request on Thursday for lab results. No response. I requested results again Friday morning, through a different source on Friday afternoon, and still no response. I requested results again on Monday and still no response. When I still had not heard on Tuesday morning I began to wonder if something was wrong. The last time I had a lack of response like this it was because the results were bad and the nurse was waiting to hear from the doctor on what he wanted to do about my treatment. I also knew my doctor consulted with other doctors every Tuesday morning regarding difficult cases and I am certainly one of those.
As I went through the day on Tuesday, the probability of bad results stayed in the back of my mind. Though the temptation was there to be fearful and anxious, I made the decision to trust God and to remind myself He was in control. I began to mentally think through the upcoming months and things that may need to be changed if I had to return to Little Rock for treatment. “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7). I was amazed that though the possibility of bad results was there, peace permeated my thinking. I thank God that He truly does give us peace in all circumstances.
I finally called the center late Tuesday afternoon. A very apologetic nurse returned my call within the hour. She thought she had sent the results, wondered why I continued to ask for them, and then looking in her “sent folder” after I called realized she had not sent them. The markers are essentially the same as last month. There is one that bounced up but it is one that goes up and down more than the others and probably is nothing to be concerned about. I will send more lab work next Monday instead of waiting until the end of the month. This will allow them to see if this marker is back down and make sure that nothing else is going up.
The side effects of the medications are increasing some, but still nothing that interferes with my ability to function. It is all superficial. For example, platelet counts are down causing increased bruising so I sometimes look like I have been in a fight, fingernails continue to break, abdominal swelling is increasing, sores are developing in the mouth, and incoming hair may be thinning. None of these are really important relative to life. What they do is remind me that the important aspects of life are not physical—it is the inside, not the outside, that matters. I pray that the inside of me will become more beautiful with age, regardless of what happens on the outside. A Psalm that was especially important to me during the treatments in 2000 has been echoing in my brain these last few days. “Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me” (Psalm 63:7-8). As always, if I focus on Him and all the wonderful things in this life, life is good and beautiful.
Jesus kept His focus on God’s purpose for His life to the end. As a result my life is changed. My prayer for myself this Easter is that I will keep my focus on God’s purpose for my life and thus help change the life of another. May you have a blessed Resurrection Sunday!
Last Monday (3/30) I mailed lab work to Little Rock. I put in my usual email request on Thursday for lab results. No response. I requested results again Friday morning, through a different source on Friday afternoon, and still no response. I requested results again on Monday and still no response. When I still had not heard on Tuesday morning I began to wonder if something was wrong. The last time I had a lack of response like this it was because the results were bad and the nurse was waiting to hear from the doctor on what he wanted to do about my treatment. I also knew my doctor consulted with other doctors every Tuesday morning regarding difficult cases and I am certainly one of those.
As I went through the day on Tuesday, the probability of bad results stayed in the back of my mind. Though the temptation was there to be fearful and anxious, I made the decision to trust God and to remind myself He was in control. I began to mentally think through the upcoming months and things that may need to be changed if I had to return to Little Rock for treatment. “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:7). I was amazed that though the possibility of bad results was there, peace permeated my thinking. I thank God that He truly does give us peace in all circumstances.
I finally called the center late Tuesday afternoon. A very apologetic nurse returned my call within the hour. She thought she had sent the results, wondered why I continued to ask for them, and then looking in her “sent folder” after I called realized she had not sent them. The markers are essentially the same as last month. There is one that bounced up but it is one that goes up and down more than the others and probably is nothing to be concerned about. I will send more lab work next Monday instead of waiting until the end of the month. This will allow them to see if this marker is back down and make sure that nothing else is going up.
The side effects of the medications are increasing some, but still nothing that interferes with my ability to function. It is all superficial. For example, platelet counts are down causing increased bruising so I sometimes look like I have been in a fight, fingernails continue to break, abdominal swelling is increasing, sores are developing in the mouth, and incoming hair may be thinning. None of these are really important relative to life. What they do is remind me that the important aspects of life are not physical—it is the inside, not the outside, that matters. I pray that the inside of me will become more beautiful with age, regardless of what happens on the outside. A Psalm that was especially important to me during the treatments in 2000 has been echoing in my brain these last few days. “Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me” (Psalm 63:7-8). As always, if I focus on Him and all the wonderful things in this life, life is good and beautiful.
Jesus kept His focus on God’s purpose for His life to the end. As a result my life is changed. My prayer for myself this Easter is that I will keep my focus on God’s purpose for my life and thus help change the life of another. May you have a blessed Resurrection Sunday!
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